1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. „Good,“ replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room. That evening, the boys studied all night long until they were sure that they knew just about everything. The speaker said: They fit perfectly. Natürlich auch ein beliebtes Objekt des englischen Humors: Deutsche, meist in Verbindung mit irgendwas aus dem Zweiten Weltkrieg. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.“ „Don’t count on it,“ answered the fellow in the cell. Sie sagt zu dem Mann neben sich: ‚Der Busfahrer hat mich gerade beleidigt!‘ Der Mann sagt: ‚Gehen Sie nach vorne und schimpfen Sie ihn aus – nur zu, ich halte den Affen für Sie.‘“. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Captain: I don’t understand it. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, „What are you up to there, Mary?“, „My goldfish died,“ replied Mary tearfully, without looking up, „and I’ve just buried him.“ The neighbor was concerned, „That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?“ Mary patted down the last heap of earth then replied, „That’s because he’s inside your cat.“. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. empfehlen wir dir die auf Englisch verfasste Rubrik „US & UK in Germany“ unseres Kooperationspartners Spotlight. Driver: It’s mine, officer. Because the dessert at night is so cold and then we don’t feel cold. I was told you said there’s a body in it. No way, dude. His son is also at the table, eating. Lustige Reiseziele in der Wohnung. I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only £45. Try these – he said. I can help. Tom asks, „Son, what happened last night?“ His son says, „Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Wir sind sehr effizient und das ist kein Witz.“. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. The driver owned the car. `Look,` he said, `I haven`t received my Social Security check yet, so I`m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. He then took a seat and began writing. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, „Is there something wrong out there doctor?“ The doctor replies, „No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. Driver: That’s right. After a few moments he gets pulled over. Zurück am Telefon sagt der Mann: ‚Okay, und was jetzt?‘“. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.“ The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, „Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant – about 4 months, would be my guess.“, The mother says, „Pregnant?! Here it is. „No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. Der englische Humor ist eben ganz eigen, und auch englische Flachwitze gibt es nicht wenige. Three students had an important exam coming up. – One. Page 7 of 476 - Music & Culture for People Who Love Charts. Here’s the owner’s card. „Do you know who I am?“ the student asked again. It is covered in mud“, A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. Er scheint nicht zu atmen und seine Augen sind glasig. „I’m the groom.“. „Nooo, I didn’t!“ said the drunk. Einer dreht sich zum anderen und sagt: ‚Weißt du, wie man das fährt?‘“. Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Hi, ich suche ein paar Englische Wortspiele, so wie: What's a fish without an eye? The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans. Auf der Suche nach dem witzigsten Witz der Welt haben britische Forscher dieses Prachtexemplar gefunden. The Devil says „Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?“ The old man looks over and says“ I’ve been married to your sister for 27 years, why the hell should I be scared of you.“. In a train carriage there were 4 people, an Englishman, a Frenchman, a spectacular looking blonde and a really ugly woman. Wir verraten dir die 10 beliebtesten englischen Witze. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. Lies hier, wie die Briten humoristisch so ticken. I can remember when I was a kid, being so genuinely amused by a cleverly written pun that I would retell the best jokes to my family and friends, over and over. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. When they leave the tunnel, the Frenchman had a big red slap mark on his cheek. 25.04.2020 - Why Jokes for Kids? Die besten, lustigsten und abgedrehtesten englischen Witze im Netz findest Du hier. „Well? Then a new school year began. The man said: No problem. Klasse statt Masse, im Gegensatz zu manch anderer Fun-Site. Sie stellen eine sehr unterhaltsame Möglichkeit zum Sprachenlernen dar. One night as they’re leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. „Maybe,“ said the lifeguard, „but not from the diving board!“, One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, „Why don’t you let me drive for ones.“ The driver thinks to him self, „Well I can’t say no to this guy, he’s the pope.“ So the driver pulls over and they change places. Danke! Möchtest in einer anderen Sprache sowohl Witze reißen als auch eine Verhandlung führen? Außerdem bietet die englische Sprache perfektes Material für zahlreiche Wortwitze. ... Chuck Norris – die besten Witze und Sprüche. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.“ Confused, Tom asks, „So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?“ His son replies, „Oh that! The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. What can I do?“. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. What if I poked out both eyes?“ „I’d be completely blind.“ The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free. Englische Sprüche. I mean, I was voted ... Read More about 80+ Jokes for Kids That Are Clean and Hilarious So Amanpreet came in. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. I’ve been looking for a good dentist. What the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo? „But officer,“ the man began, „I can explain…“ „Just be quiet,“ snapped the officer. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation. Sprich Sprachen, wie du es schon immer wolltest, Lerne eine neue Sprache – jederzeit und überall. The Frenchman thought – „That f*****g Englishman put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me“. Dieser britische Witz funktioniert jedoch nur auf Englisch, weil der Ausdruck to badly want something eigentlich bedeutet „etwas unbedingt wollen“. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it. „Yes I will,“ replied the student. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. „I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.“ „But, officer, I just wanted to say…,“ „And I said to keep quiet! WAITER: 'How did you find your steak, sir?' ), A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. The bus driver says: „That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Witze über Sex scheinen universell zu sein. Diesen englischen Witz, der vom britischen Komiker und Zauberkünstler Tommy Cooper stammt, fanden übrigens Briten im Rahmen der LaughLab-Studie am allerlustigsten. Viele Sprichwörter lassen sich wörtlich Übersetzen doch bei manchen Sprüchen kommt einfach nur Blödsinn dabei heraus. One turns to the other and says: „Do you know how to drive this?“, Achtung, unübersetzbarer Witz: „Zwei Fische in einem Aquarium/Panzer. Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box? Achtung, unübersetzbarer Witz: „Ein Zementmischer ist mit einem Gefangenentransporter kollidiert. My musical knowledge is so poor I thought Kanye West was a railway station and Lana Del Rey a holiday destination. Little Johnny’s father said, „let me see your report card.“ Johnny replied, „I don’t have it.“ „Why not?“ His father asked. A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver’s license? Turning to the man next to him he said: I forgot my teeth. He said, „I did that by accident.“ She replied, „I know that, daddy.“ He replied, „How’d you know?“ The girl said, „Because you didn’t say ‚JERK‘ afterwards!“, Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle? In der E-Mail steht: ‚Liebste Frau, ich habe gerade eingecheckt. Driver: Sure. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. Trunk is opened; no body. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers, „The wife did it.“, (You need to know how „Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?“ works . – Einen. But mum. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Zu allererst waren persönliche Themen das offensichtlichste, da man nicht viel recherchieren muss, wenn man über sein eigenes Leben schreibt und Bilder daraus zeigt. She says to a man next to her: „The driver just insulted me!“ The man says: „You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.“, Übersetzung: Eine Frau steigt mit ihrem Baby in den Bus. Für Engländer ist es übrigens kein Problem, über Tabuthemen Witze zu reißen und sich selbst aufs Korn zu nehmen, auch wenn das dem ein oder anderen als geschmacklos oder platt erscheinen mag. Achtung, unübersetzbarer englischer Witz: „Aushang bei einem Schuhmacher: Ich werde dich absatz-en, ich werde deine Sohle retten, ich werde sogar mit Freuden für dich färben.“. Driver: No problem. `This recession`s really putting a big dent in my income,` he told them. 25 cents. He says, „Guys I just pulled over some one really important.“, They ask who, „The President?.“ „No more important.“ „The president of another country.“ „No more important.“ „An ambassador.“ „No even more important.“ „Well who is it.“ „I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur.“, Mother:“ Keep that dog out of the house. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, „Lady, leave me alone, I’m married!“, Conclusion: A self-induced hangover – $100.00 Broken furniture – $200.00 Breakfast – $10.00 Saying the right thing – Priceless, The Devil walks into a crowded bar. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip.“. I stole it. And mum. DINER:'Quite by accident. Sprüche für Männer mit Glatze. 'Don't worry, sir, the spider in the salad will get it.' Das Adverb badly kann in diesem Fall aber auch auf to make love („Liebe machen“) bezogen werden – dann aber mit der Bedeutung „schlecht“, was nun nicht unbedingt für die Liebhaberqualitäten des oben erwähnten Mannes steht. We quit!` And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. So is the rest of the house. Stopping them, he said, `You kids are a lot of fun. Für mich hat es begonnen, weil ich die Materie kennenlernen wollte. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. --> Because it was two tired! The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Auch überraschende Wendungen machen einen guten Witz aus – wobei man hier verstehen muss, dass tank sowohl „Aquarium“ bedeutet (daran denkt der Leser zuerst) als auch „Panzer“. The next day, the publican is surprised to see the Australian – who assumed dead – walked through the door. „No, and I don’t care,“ replied the professor with an air of superiority. It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Eine Sammlung der besten Englischen Witze – Britischer Humor vom Feinsten. The speaker tried them. The little camel asks his mother: Mum why do we have these big humps? Autofahrer werden gebeten, nach 16 ausgehärteten Verbrechern Ausschau zu halten.“. Witch who? He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it? Für Engländer ist es übrigens kein Problem, über Tabuthemen Witze zu reißen und sich selbst aufs Korn zu nehmen, auch wenn das dem ein oder anderen als geschmacklos oder platt erscheinen mag. Über 120 Top englische Witze erwarten Dich schon. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. GraphJam - page 7. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Driver: Yeah, and I’ll bet the lying S.O.B. It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Bäh!‘ Die Frau geht nach hinten und setzt sich, sie schäumt vor Wut. She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. „Have you found Jesus?“ the preacher asked. Too loose – he said. On the day of the exam they showed up telling the teacher that their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? Der Busfahrer sagt: ‚Das ist das hässlichste Baby, das ich jemals gesehen habe. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, „Now, brother, have you found Jesus?“ „Noooo, I have not, Reverend.“, The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, „Man, have you found Jesus yet?“ Gasping for air the drunk answer the preacher, „Are you sure this is where he drowned.“. At this point, they both thought that this was going to be easy. We are going car to car collecting donations.“ „Donations!“ I said, „How much you got so far?“ He said „about ten gallons.“, On a rural road a state trooper pulled a man over and said: „Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?“ To which the man replied: „Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!“. Waiter: 'Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.' Wir stellen dir hier vier Varianten dieser Konstruktionen vor und zeigen dir, wie du sie am besten in deine Sprachpraxis einbindest! The doctor says, „Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?“ The mother says, „It’s my daughter, Debbie. One night as they’re leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain. The blonde thought – „That French son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the ugly woman, who in turn must have slapped his face“ The ugly woman thought – „That dirty old Frenchman laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him“. Witch. Driver: Yes, sir. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, „Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?“ The drunk looks back and says, „Yes, Preacher, I sure am.“. Crack a Joke, englische Witze. Love you.“ So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. One Saturday morning, he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs and goes out to his car to drive to the course. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in their faces. It is covered in mud“ Kevin:“Keep out of the house, little dog. Der Zweck dieser Seite hat sich jedoch über die Zeit eindeutig verschoben: Vom Persönlichen (das ich mittlerweile ausgelagert habe), hin zu gemischten Informationen wie dem sehr großen Bereich von gesammelten lustigen und informativen Sachen (Mysteriöses, Lustiges, etc.). That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!“, Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. Diese Art von Komik scheint aber auch außerhalb Englands geschätzt zu werden, daher kennt man diesen englischen Witz auch in anderen Sprachen. Wenn du mehr über britische Lebenskultur erfahren möchtest, empfehlen wir dir die auf Englisch verfasste Rubrik „US & UK in Germany“ unseres Kooperationspartners Spotlight. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, „When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.“. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: „Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Er keucht: ‚Mein Freund ist tot! Two fish in a tank. Have you, Debbie?“ Debbie says, „No mother! told you I was speeding, too! He whispers to the usher, „This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. He has an early booking every Saturday morning and plays all day. Humor Englisch Kanada Lustige Bilder Witze Kanada Lustig Lustige Meme. Was macht britischen Humor so speziell und warum kann er leicht verstörend wirken? Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. I’ve never even kissed a man!“, The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. The speaker tried them and responded: Too tight. Für mich steht dabei die Nutzerfreundlichkeit und der Wert der Information an vorderster Stelle. But custody of the children was a problem. Ich kann Ihnen helfen. How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? We are very efficient and this is not a joke. „No, as a matter of fact I don’t,“ replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. Driver: Yes, sir. So richtig schön schwarz sollte ein englischer Witz sein, damit Briten darüber lachen können – dass dabei die Grenzen zur Geschmacklosigkeit manchmal fließend sind und man angeekelt das Gesicht verzieht, versteht sich von selbst. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. A man to his new girlfriend: „Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you really badly.“ – „Well,“ she replies, „you succeeded.“, Achtung, unübersetzbarer Witz: „Ein Mann zu seiner neuen Freundin: ‚Seit ich dich das erste Mal sah, wollte ich unbedingt Liebe mit dir machen.‘ – ‚Naja‘, antwortet sie, ‚das ist dir gelungen.‘“. Außerdem bietet die englische Sprache perfektes Material für zahlreiche Wortwitze. As each sat down, they read the first question:For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom. The driver’s license was valid. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. `From now on, I`ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.` The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. Man in a Restaurant: 'Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!' Captain: Who’s car is this? The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. All except the late student, who continued writing. Witze auf Englisch (Jokes) Witze in einer fremden Sprache zu verstehen ist ziemlich kompliziert und erfordert ein tiefgehendes Verständnis der jeweiligen Sprache und Kultur. When the people see who it is,they all run out except this one old man. You’re going to jail!“ A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, „Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. Briten kommentieren ihre eigenen Schwächen gerne mit selbstironischen Kommentaren, wie in diesem Fall die englische Stand-up-Kabarettistin Miranda Hart. The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. Officer: This car is stolen? Home › Fun › Lustige Witze › Englische Witze. . The doctor said, „Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?“ Jon said, „I’d be half blind.“ „That’s correct. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it.“ The librarian says to the other librarian, „So here is the person who took our phone book!“, A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Three friends – Aboriginal, Jew and Australian – spend each night together drinking beer in an outback pub. The Englishman thought – „I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack that French twat again“. I knew 100s of jokes by memory, and loved making up my own, too. So he puts his clubs away, quietly undresses and slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his wife’s back, and says, „The weather out there is terrible.“ To which she replies, „Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing?“, The drunk driver says, „Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. P.S. „What if I cut off the other ear?“ „I’d be completely blind,“ Amanpreet answered. In ihrem Projekt LaughLab, das die Psychologie des Humors untersucht, wurde unter Tausenden von Einsendungen abgestimmt, mit dem Ergebnis: Dieser morbide Jägerwitz ist laut Studie tatsächlich der witzigste der Welt – das eigens dafür entwickelte „Lachometer“ beweist es. I`ll give you each a dollar if you`ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.`. A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. The man was not taken back at all. He said „It’s O.J. The Australian tells him, „Well, we were all killed, but when we got to the pearly gates, St. Peter said we could come back to earth if we pay him $20.“ „Well, obviously, you paid up, but what happened to your friends?“ „The jew’s trying to haggle him down to $10, and the aboriginal is trying to convince him that the government will pay for it.“. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. „Do you know who I am?“. Three friends – Aboriginal, Jew and Australian – spend each night together drinking beer in an outback pub. Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! Why do we have this large fur? It is covered in mud“, Little Johnny’s father said, „let me see your report card.“, „My goldfish died,“ replied Mary tearfully, without looking up, „and I’ve just buried him.“, „Hey, Mom,“ asked Little Johnny, „can you give me twenty dollars?“. A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. He then said: I have one more pair of false teeth…try them. Tom looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him and said: I want to thank you for coming to my aid. And mum. 'Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!' He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Which Witch would you like it to be? Einige Auslandaufenthalte auf der Iberischen Halbinsel später forscht sie nun zu Spracherwerb und schreibt als freie Autorin über Sprachen, Gott und die Welt. It is raining a torrential downpour, there is snow mixed with the rain and an 80km/h wind is blowing. --> In Seine (Insane) Also, so flache Witze halt! Mal sehen, ob Ihr diese folgenden Witze versteht. Wir lieben diese englischen Witze, denn Briten sind für ihren morbiden, makabren Humor bekannt. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go. It’s late.“ The student looked incredulous and angry. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, „It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.“, The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it.“, So here is the person who took our phone book!“. Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. Übersetzung: „Ich habe meine Großmutter zu einem Fisch-Spa-Zentrum gebracht, wo die kleinen Fische deine tote Haut für nur £45 essen. Der andere holt sein Handy raus und ruft den Notarzt an. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“, Übersetzung: „Zwei Jäger sind draußen im Wald, als einer von ihnen zusammenbricht. . His wife answered, „Not tonight dear I have a headache.“ The man replied, „Is that your final answer“? When they arrived at school the next morning, they were told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel and finds the bad weather is set for the day. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and replied, „Judge, when I put a dollar in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?“, This bloke is an avid golfer, actually he is a golf fanatic. „Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?“ „My hat would fall down over my eyes.“, „Hey, Mom,“ asked Little Johnny, „can you give me twenty dollars?“ „Certainly not!“ answered his mother.